Cement within my shoes

The people I interact with at work and other places have wind beneath their wings, I have cement within my shoes. It's not that I am not open minded, bright or willing to fly it is very much that I am not able. So many things get in the way of flying and I so want to fly. There are sights, smells, tastes and touches that I want to experience but I am stuck, flightless bird that I am waiting for the turn of thing that once promised me flight.

It is just one big waiting game really. We are all waiting for something. We look like we are walking, running, studying our way to the very thing that we think will make us soar but we aren't. At least I am not anyway. I am sitting here, typing. Mostly procrastinating because I don't want to do my homework. I do want the job that the degree I am working toward will eventually grant me but not so much the labor that is needed. Working for as long as I have in the professional world has made me dull and less motivated to achieve anything except time wasting so that I can make it to my bedtime.

I use to be nothing but a ball of ambition. When the hell did life beat that out of me. I was the kind of person that got more done by 8am than most did all day. Now I am lucky to get anything completed in a single day. There are parts of my personality I want back. Not necessarily my youth because that really never afforded me spoils that were worth being spoiled over.

There is a change in me that needs to happen that use to come from within that is now gone. I cannot fathom to where it went but without it I don't have the passion to put shoes on to walk around and look for it. I don't be old saying "I was fine back in the day" I want to be just as fine when I am old. I don't mean in sight because I never thought that was the case with me anyway. I mean I want to be just as glorious old as I saw myself 10 years ago.

I feel like I have cement in my shoes. I cannot walk, run, dance anymore and I enjoy all of those things. What a shame that when you are flightless bird you cannot find joy in these things either. I imagine that its a bit more than a shame really because of the weight you gain in loss of this exercise. And I so want at least this exercise if I cannot fly.