CH CH Changes

You go along and you have your notions of what is in the world and you cling to them because they are all you have ever known. What happens when you can no longer row alone or if you just don't want to? It is one thing to state you are ready to make changes in your life and its a complete different thing to implement them. When change is thrust upon you then you have no other choice but to walk it out the best you can. I am acutely adept at having change thrust upon me because that is my norm. What I lack is the ability to change after making up my mind that its the best course of action. I will give you some examples that go from small to large, 3 examples to be exact as I am a little wacky about doing things in 3s. These examples all have the same theme, "Asking for Help"

Small Ask
I recently moved again and I didn't want to repeat the sins of the first move so I decided I was going to ask for help. I had grand ideas about how to go about it; one would say they were strategic in nature. I thought of a few people that I have helped in some way and decided I would target them. When it came to asking for help I ended up only asking one person. I have always been told that when making changes in your life make baby step changes. Normally I balk at the notion of a baby step because I am more of a balls out, cards on the table and let the chips fly where they may type of chick but this time I conceded. I asked one person and you know what....I picked the right person. Maria came in and helped me out with packing on 2 different days and it worked out great!!! She was only at my house a total of 3hours and that girl packed more than a 1/3 of my house. Big ups to Maria and her super packing skills. I am taking to have Sushi soon to thank her.

Medium Ask
All the moving and paying of two mortgages this summer left my pockets sad and wanting. Cydni's grandfather had offered to help out financially but I had been putting him off cause he's helped in the past and I didn't want him to think I was taking advantage. Move weekend came and it was looking like I was going to have some rubberized checks. I made the call to take him up on his offer. He was mad at me for taking so long to call but more than willing to help me move and bring money to help with bills too. I hate asking because he's one of those people that has money and I bet his kids are always asking him for some. Maybe its like he said though....it would be different if I asked initially but I didn't he offered and I took him up on that offer. Mad props to gramps for looking out even though I am no longer a part of the family. Since I didn't have the money at the time to get him a good bday or dday present I am plotting a kick ass xmas present for him and Cydni to share and enjoy, a hot air balloon ride!!! It's something he has wanted for a while.

Big Ask
Cydni is sick and we still don't know what is wrong. This is the only time in my life that I have quite literally called everyone I know to ask for prayers. It really sucked making every single one of those calls and repeating that story over and over again but it is well worth the pay back of having folks call you back and ask if I need anything. I am so use to shouldering things alone that I have no concept of what's like to have people care for and about me. Most of my friends and family are far away so what can done from a distance isn't much but what is being done by those I called means a lot to me. I can only express my gratitude as thanks to so many. If I could I would find a special prize for each and every one of the folks that thought enough to call, email, text etc.

It seems like such a silly blog really that as an adult I am just learning to appreciate and utilize asking for help. I have lived a difficult life where people have done nothing but let me down or expected more than I could or should give in return for whatever help I needed. I have been let down and used so much that more than half of my life has been spent not asking for help. I have grown weary of doing things alone. I don't mean that I am looking for a husband, I mean having a reliable support net would nice. I have gotten away from being in a community. I realize that I have done myself a disservice in that regard. I have also realize I have denied others my service as well by not being a part of a family of friends and neighbors in some way. It is a hard habit to break. Its like a conspiracy theorist hanging up his theories for good and accepting things at face value. I imagine he would probably go through withdrawl and cling to what he may consider a conspiracy to cope.

I am glad that good experiences have come out of my recent needs and I hope that instead of a pendulum swing I will enjoy balance.