Don't Give Up, Grow Up.

The south is a billion strong in churches.  On Falls of Neuse Rd for about a 3 mile stretch there are like 13 churches.  The road is a lot longer than 3 miles and that is an impressive number of churches for such a short bit of it.  On the main road on the way to my house is a baptist church and I drive by it numerous times a day.  Its billboard is full of great scripture, sayings and bbq sales.  Each side has a different message so that you when you are going you get a little tidbit of something and when you are coming you get a little different tidbit of something else.  Just remember that little bit it will be important later.

The church I was attending at the time had these home groups and I was trying one out try to get better at trusting people in a very general sense.  We met once a week and talked about general life stuff as well a spiritual stuff.  I decided I would share something.  A small story about my first encounter with a church member during the time when I was really new to the church.  It was small, funny and a little embarrassing but not so much for me as it was for the church member.  He was well known for his personality quirks so it was safe story to tell, I thought.  This is where I need to explain that the rules of the group was the stories and information shared wouldn't leave the group.  Well that last sentence should tell you what happened next....yep someone repeated the story to the person it involved and yes he confronted me at a church function.  I was mortified.  My sense of trust in humanity is always shaken by the little things.  I know why people fail in the big moments and I can for give them of those things in those times but its the small overlook of general courtesy and polite gestures of kindness that make me sad.  Those acts are so easy and take nothing yet give everything.

One day when I was driving home from work I was talking on the phone about the situation to my best friend.  I decided that I was going to quit the home group and stop going to the church.  I have trust issues and small indiscretions make me walk away because seriously if you cannot handle the small things then the big things are destined to be catastrophic with that person and I try to avoid that like the plague.  My best friend and I had our chat and I told her my intentions and she understood so we hung up the phone.  I get to the stretch of road where the baptist church is and the side of the sign visible to me says "Don't Give Up, Grow Up."  I call my best friend back and tell her I will be at the next meeting.  I have never been a quitter.  I have been known to lay down and lick my wounds whilst contemplating my next move but an all out white flag is just not in my DNA.  My intent was to go to the next meeting, log my compliant and rejoin my quest to believing in people.  There was no next group meeting.  The group dissolved.

Every time I pass the church I think about that one billboard post.  I think it applies to so much and I try to see where I can do exactly that....grow up.  My circle is small because my ability to trust is immature and fearful.  I want to trust but many of my encounters with people close or simply acquainted has been disappointing and left me wanting.  Sorrows of humanity begin with the lack of trust as well as the lack of trustworthiness.  To that it seems useless to spend the time trusting in people and when that thought enters my mind I think of the billboard.  I think about how my best friend says that my picker is broken.  I think about the time my father told me to stop picking up stray dogs.  I think that instead of giving up, I should grow up (mature) my way of seeing the world and the people in it.  Some people you can love through their flaws and others need to be cast aside as they will only do more harm than good to keep them in your life.  Knowing the difference is a super power.  Having the courage to let go without losing faith in humanity is a survival tactic.

So every time I pass that church (which is at least twice a day) I read both sides of the billboard wondering if God will send me another gem to heal my heart, clear my view and mature my soul.